Christopher Nolan, Get Out Of My Head

This morning, over a half hour period of sleep, I had one of the most pointless dreams I have ever had.

I usually remember my dreams, and they are rather vivid and involve quite a bit stuff, but this most recent one was completely over the top. I keep a dream journal, and I usually can get most dreams down in a page and a half.

This one was 4 pages, of completely disconnected everything- it involved athletes, youth pastors both old and new, buildering, old women, a bathroom that was so small that the shower water ended up in the toilet bowl, a possible zombie apocalypse that turned out to be a baseball game, my inability to fly, european teenagers, a grocery store and parking lot in stouffville being transformed into a lovely meadow, and I could go on and on.

Around half an hour ago I was hit by an idea that has managed to quickly slide into the obsession area of my brain.

I can't remember the last time I've wanted something so badly that was so attainable and completely awesome.

My theory is that Leo DiCaprio hacked into my brain while I was asleep, shape-shifted his way through high school douchebags, good friends and the elderly in order to plant this idea in a dream within a dream within a dream.

Because it's scary how badly I want to do this.

As an interesting aside, in my dream I became aware I was dreaming, and I got anxious cuz I was like "I've been asleep for hours and wasted the whole day!" but then I was like "time is different in dreams. I could potentially stay here forever so long as I don't wake up."

This level of self-awareness was odd.

Darko and Listener

If you read this blog with any sense of slight consistency, you may have noticed I have an abiding endearment for a wee little band called The Chariot. I've seen them 3 times already, and I have plans to see them 3 more times this year.

At least.

Anyways, on their last full length, they had a delightful ditty entitled David De La Hoz, which featured a rather exquisite guest spot from some dude named Dan Smith. or thedancemyth, if you wanted to get twichnical.

Dan is part of a talk-music band called Listener.

I heard that Listener would be playing a house show in Toronto.

I like house shows.

I liked the one bit Dan did in David De La Hoz.

So I went.

So worth it.

I'm only posting one video, in which he performs aforementioned soliloquy from David, because these lines:

we can be on fire again you and i

say what you want

say what you mean

are constantly taking on new meaning to me every few weeks.

And on a totally unrelated note, introduced a friend to the bizarrity of Donnie Darko today, and the post movie conversation ended up on worship, in which I had the brilliant metaphorical moment that went along these lines:

Life is like a fish entrée, and the fish should be the way we live (and therefore worship) and worship music should be the little citrus wedges that compliment it. However, a lot of people get them mixed up, and treat the lemon (worship music) like the main course (main act of worship), and ignore the fish. So, while they may not get scurvy (I haven't developed this enough to determine what scurvy should be... any ideas?), they're missing out on the point of the entire thing: presenting their bodies as living testaments of what they believe.

The Sea Will Never Grow Old

i only want you to love me

so it can remain unrequited

just so i can know i can

at the core, always a boy, never grown up,

and what of this word

-love-

it's visual balance a foil to how to viscously it rocks the ships inside of me

yes, cut me open and no blood will spill, simply a deluge of salt water

merchant ships and war ships and fishing ships

all doing their business with God as the wind,

but some ships have holes

and some ships raise no sales

and some ships never left the harbor

and lay, rotten in the deep near my knees,.

And when the sun rises, sometimes it too is God,

but sometimes, it's her.

or her shadow.

I thought I worked you out of me!

beat you like an obnoxious slave,

kneaded you like a resilient knot,

and I have.

this sun bares not your face, but rather the place you opened up.

the void i would not have to have to fill,

had you not lived there once.

my face green from unsure legs on this turbulence,

oceans stirred at the thought of love

what then of seagulls?

my own insecurities?

screeching and begging and stealing scraps just to survive,

no,

no thats my confidences

see, while i am the sea, i'm primarily the wreckage strewn about my knees

And i think that by pulling you down we'll somehow trade places

you now with the barnacles and I,

in the wind and sun

in the wind and sun

tossed by the wind

and delighting in the sun

in the wind and sun

but,

life is a compass, not the sea

and i am the needle and the north

and there is my problem.

Orchestras

Tonight I had the feeling that the events leading up to where I was had been orchestrated. Things just fit together perfectly, everything, from ethereal things like emotions to more concrete things like physical bodies, where all in the exact right spot not just tonight but over the last few weeks.

I used the word orchestrated, and I started to think of the etymology (origin, basically) of the word. Well, I basically invented one, and it's probably correct.

I just thought of an orchestra- basically a large ensemble of musicians, all with their own small part to play, all of which work together in perfect harmony for the final effect of a symphony, a work of art.

I feel like God has been the orchestrator to the musicians of events that have been played over the last weeks, and I am the symphony. Or, I'm just being heavily moved by the symphony. Either way, it's awesome and I'm loving it. I'm understanding more, seeing more, trusting more, realizing that there is in fact MORE than what I've become accustomed to.

It's a breathtaking experience.

The Oscars and Vulnerability

I think I am very much like a computer in some regards. When there is too much going on, too many processes happening, too many systems running, I freeze and shut down.

And like a computer, I have a limited ability to help myself. I can defragment my mind, move everything to the proper shelf. Sometimes though, the problems are too deep for a simple reboot to solve, and I need external help.

I don't like external help.

It makes me feel vulnerable.

Vulnerability makes me want to throw up. Not that I think it's disgusting, but when I realize I'm in a vulnerable position, I feel the bile waiting for an opportunity to race up my throat and out my mouth, as if to punish it for making me vulnerable.

Vulnerability and vomit. So alliterate.

I put myself in a vulnerable position this weekend, and I'm still not sure why. I also was experiencing a system overload, so the two compounded have made for an interesting emotional cocktail.

I'm not sure how this fits in with the Academy Awards. I think they're just symbolic of the crowning achievements of escapism. The entire concept is actually a bit inane.

"Oh, lets give statues and prestige to people for doing something well."

That part makes sense.

"Lets broadcast it internationally because it will impact the lives of millions who are watching."

Wait, what?

There really is no reason to watch the Oscars, let alone cheer when a movie you like wins something, but still, we do.

I'm not even saying it's bad. Its just rather weird, all things considered.

Actually, considering that all things cannot be thought of, let alone thought about, it's probably not that weird.

I'm not sure where the point of this went.

I need a new OS.

23

Man:

"I felt for sure last night
At once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
Im still driving away
And Im sorry every day
I wont always love these selfish things
I wont always live...
Stop it...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you"

God:

"Youll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
Im here and now Im ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine"

Man:

"Amazing still it seems
Ill be 23
I wont always love what Ill never have
I wont always live in my regrets"

God: "

Youll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
Im here and now Im ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Youll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
Im here and now Im ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine... "

I was driving home today, and I put this song on because it sounds pretty, but I was listening to the lyrics and things kept standing out. I decided I might be able to commandeer it into a good worship song. I got home and looked up the full lyrics and was floored. These lines:

Im here and now Im ready
Holding on tight

just hit me so hard. It portrays the sheer tenderness that God has for us. This idea came up in a book called Abba's Child by Brennan Manning, and it talks about how God is tender for us. Manning uses the example of a child who brings their mother a bouquet of dandelions: Even though the gift is actually worthless, the parent adores it because of who it's from and what it represents.

I just love that so much. The best we can bring God is wilted dandelions, but he loves it and us.

mind. blown.

Cookies and Earth Tones

A friend wrote a guitar lick, so I wrote these lyrics to accompany it.

They don't fit the guitar line at all, but I like them so here they are:

I want the maps’ to the synapse between the wires in your brain

Because the way that you look is, well it’s really quite nice

And it’s making me mad, no not steaming,

I’m as cool as snow But your face really touched my heart,

I thought that you should know

Da da da

But can we take this back a few steps

Where you walked in the house, let me recount what happened next

See, time is relative, but it’s not my father, no it’s not my mum

It’s a brother teasing me when I just want to have fun

And I’d have like to have stared for as long as I could

But you just breezed to the bookshelf and left me by myself

Da da da

And while you stared at Wilde my mind was thinking thoughts

That I ought not to have thought, but you’re just too magical

So while I reigned in my desires, you walked away to another room

And I just followed at a distance wishing you’d turn around

But then you did and I made this sound

Uuuuuuuuh

You gave me a funny look and continued on your way

And I went back to my friends and there’s not much more to say

Some people just look too good to be true

But I’m still glad that I almost met you

Da da da

Da da da

Da da