Epic Post Breakup Letter That I Never Sent But Is Worded Nicely So It's A Blogpost Now

"Dear Person.

This may turn out to be the hardest thing I have ever had to write, but written it must be. I have been thinking about what you said and how it relates to my life, and I think it all makes sense. Now that I haven’t been in constant contact with you, I’m starting to realize how much of my life was devoted to you. Things happen, and I have no one to share it with. A person will make an interesting comment, and I immediately try to figure out how to recant it to you so you will best understand and appreciate it. I have conversations with friends and can’t wait to tell you.

But, then I realize I must wait.

And then I realize I mustn’t.

I don’t think you were the center of my life, I’m not sure what was. I just know it wasn’t God, and that had to change. And, I’ve come to realize, I can’t change it while being in contact with you. I keep having dreams where one of us initiates conversation, and we get sucked back in and have to stop again, and it hurts so much. If I’m talking to you about it daily, then my journey to find God will become centered around you. In trying to find God, it will just bring us closer together in a way that shouldn’t be.

In order to find God, I need to give you up. Completely. I can’t hold out for the hope that one day our paths will cross divinely and we will have our ‘ever after’; if I do that, then I will be finding God to get to you.

On top of that, I need you to give me up. I need to know you aren’t waiting, when I can’t. Go out and find your Darcy, your Rochester. Let him whisk you off in a way I never could. To be honest, the thought of you with another guy doesn’t tear me up as much as I would think. However, the thought of you being discontent with another guy tears me up so much. I just want you to be happy. And even though what we had was the best thing I’ve ever experienced, I need you to know there is better. Much, much better. We are young, and what we felt was intensified by distance and adolescent dreams of what life could be.

You have been the biggest thing that has ever happened to me. You made so many songs make sense, you made people interesting. Your passion for life and understanding was infectious, and I was so stricken.

I read once that you should date people in a way so that if you break up, they’ll be better people because of it. Even though we did not officially date, the mere adventure of being your acquaintance has made me so much more than I could have imagined. Thank you for that. Thank you, for being you. You are breathtaking. Sometimes words fail me, and now is one of those times. I cannot fathom what you’ve been and meant to me, and how much talking to you has helped me in every conceivable way. You are a glowing individual, and one day you’re going to make someone a hundred times happier than you’ve made me, as unimaginable as that is to me.

Even though I think me saying those things might hurt you even more, I feel they need to be said. I can’t let this end without trying to express how you’ve impacted who I am. I don’t think I ever truly could, so I apologize for my feeble attempt.

I am not coming to visit this summer. A friend kept asking me to work at camp over the summer, and I kept turning him down because I thought I had control of my life. God showed me otherwise. So, I have submitted my application to be on kitchen or maintenance staff, and I hope to spend my summer trying to connect to God and other people.

I keep wanting to go into asides about everything. Whats happened this last week, what new realizations I’ve had. I want to hear about your day, what you’re doing in school, how you’re reacting to your friends insanity and inanity. I want to talk to you about how you gathered enough courage to send me that letter, and how my responses made you feel. I want to learn, examine, explore life with you. I just miss you so much more than I thought I could.

I’m not sure where this letter is going. I’m trying to find words to express something nameless, trying to answer a question that has yet to be posed. There are still a thousand things I want to say to you, but I can’t find the words. I want to apologize for another friend’s response to your message on Facebook. I read your reply and I know that she hurt you, and I’m so, so sorry that she did that.

I don’t know what I want you to become. I don’t want to forget you, and I know I never will. You’ve set the standard of what I want, and I don’t even know if anyone else could hope to come close. I’m glad we stayed pure."

I feel like I've had a passionate life.